A blog post that has been in draft for quite a while and posted a few weeks ago somewhere else...

So I'm at this Pagan/Wiccan/Celtic/Indian wedding where the groom had hand-built this bamboo teepee kind of thing for him and his bride to share vows with each other. The person performing the ceremony was barefoot, which was cool.

The vows were even cooler. Check these out (this is part of what they said to each other):

"You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself.
But while we both wish it,
I give you that which is mine to give."


"You cannot command me, for I am a free person.
But I shall serve you in those ways you require and the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand"


"I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, and the eyes into which I smile in the morning."

"This is the vow I make to you. This is the union of equals." <----- this one made me cry.

"I pledge to you the first bite from my meat and the first drink from my cup. I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care.
I shall be a shield for your back, and you for mine."

"I shall not slander you, nor you me. I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel, we shall do so in private, and tell no strangers our grievances."

The celebration that started after they were pronounced married began with some heavy metal blaring out of some speakers, and then 3 or 4 bands were playing for the whole reception (which went on for hours and hours...)

So, there I am, eating fantastic portuguese food and drinking some alcoholic beverages and laughing it up with old friends and new heavily-tattooed pals, when my husband lets me know he has to leave so he can go see Journey in concert. He tells my brother-in-law to keep an eye on me, as I'm slightly intoxicated and wearing a cute dress. Of course, my brother-in-law is mischievious and I already know he's going to let me roam wild and free, just so he can watch and then get me into trouble by telling Kenny of all I was up to (that's what brothers are for...)

So I'm determined to behave, when my good friend of just about 20 years comes over to me and gives me a meshed-cloth headband. "Here, you have this, it's your colors, black, white and gray," she says to me and I put it on my head over my tiny braids. So she and I are yapping it up and having a ruckus of a good time at the table where we are sitting alone, talking about the portuguese pork and potatoes.

A guy suddenly appears and HE walks over to us both and sits himself at our table and begins to investigate the situation of two chicks acting silly over some spicy potatoes. HE, with his alpha-male erect-sitting self just casually leans over to stare at me a bit. I gulp in a ball of spit that quickly formed under my tongue, formed by his strange sexualness that was dangerous and explosive.

I quickly cover my eyes, putting the headband over my face, to avoid looking at the HE sitting across from me. My friend of just about twenty years, who is such a little devilish chick, leans over to the guy and whispers "Capri loves long black hair and dark eyes. Have fun." THEN SHE WALKS AWAY, leaving me alone with this guy!

I can see through the headband as this guy takes his hair out of his ponytail and I watch, nervously, as he gets up and sits right beside me. Inside my dress, body parts beging to yell out "oh, hey, hello, you, yeh, you sit right there, I WILL CONSUME YOU WITH EVERY..." I interrupt my body parts by yelling out as I close my eyes "listen, you, with the long black hair and good looks, I will not be tempted and I am a married woman and I'll talk with you here but you will not make me be bad! I can see what you're doing through this meshy headband, cacahead! You won't tempt me with your long black hair!"

Ok, I'm more than slightly intoxicated.

HE starts laughing. Like a gosh dangity demon. The purr of his laughter literally reverberated on the metal seat I was on. I shifted myself so as not to feel it. Ok, perhaps I was a bit caught up in the Celtic Wiccan Pagan Indian of it all, but I swear, the guy was making me believe in elves and wizards and male porn stars packing thirteen inches.

It didn't help that other guys were walking around in Irish kelts with no underwear underneath and hot chicks in inappropriate clothes were giving me seductive eyes. I felt like my own wedding vows made over a dozen years ago were being tested.

I peeked out of the headband again and saw that HE had pants on that clearly defined some kind of unearthly bulge in his pants. "JESUS!" I yelled and ripped the headband from over my eyes to over my lips as my lips pulsed with furious lust. Talking to him now from a mouth covered in the black-white-gray headband, which made me look like a muppet, I stated "YOU will not have your way with me under this table! I made vows and I'm keeping them!"

He laughed again. I tried small talk, asking him about the band playing and if he knew what time another band I was anxious to see was going on. He answered both questions and then continued on with his sexy stares and unverbalized but very loud thoughts. I could see inside his mind, and I knew right where and how he planned to take me.

I pulled the headband down over my throat and pretended to strangle myself and asked him if he was into asphyxiation with choking sounds and a nervous laugh. HE almost appeared to enjoy my desperate attempts to fend him off by making my face and eyes all crazy and goofy like in order to show him that I was a nutball and probably not the kind of chick he should be hitting on.

I felt so vulnerable. I tried to change the subject by showing him pictures I'd taken of the teepee and wedding cake with my cell phone. My lust was thick and heavy. The booze was making it surreal. I contemplated what exactly would be so wrong if I just touched the guy's leg. So, I did. Energy ripped up my fingertips and that's around the time my friend walks over and yells "SO VERY VERY BUSTED!" and snaps a shot of me, eyebrows fanned down from my earlier attempts to shield my eyes with the headband, and the look of vulnerability and nervousness and lust all caught in a snapshot:



Suffice it to say, I quickly ran over to an old Yahtzee!-friend to play a game of Pass The Pigs, so as to avoid the naughty that was gettting all out of control and more daring than I usually allow things to get. The guy disappeared with some chicks later on, so in the end it all came together.

Sometimes life is quite goofy. :O)