Triops update. The triops hatched in late February, and this particular triops has now outlived his 90 day three-month limit.
Only one remains, and he and I have gotten quite attached to each other. I think it's a male, because of the way he seems to get all primal and flaunt his tricks for me whenever I hang out at his area to feed him or to just watch him. He is very fun to watch. He definitely responds to people, coming up to the water and checking you out, sometimes even putting his face out of the water to get a closer look at you while you are getting a closer look at him.
I know he most likely won't make it past this next week. He looks different... not as shiny (although he could be ready to molt), and goes on his back a lot even when he isn't eating. But, the little prehistoric creature still has it in him to give a good show.
During the course of the triops lifespan, I realized some important things that help keep them happy:
1. change the water 2 times a week, but make sure the water is within two degrees during each water change. They really perk up when you put them in new water (although you can get away with a weekly changing, it's not much work at all to sometimes change it twice a week.)
2. sprinkle in a little bit of food at night before you hit bed... they love to eat at night.
3. they love tiny pieces of carrots.
4. talk to them. They really respond to it. I don't know if they have ears, but maybe the vibrations on the water make them aware of your voice? I'm always chit chatting with the triops... I'll say "look at you, cutie pooks!" and "you are such a trooper, look at you go!"
My friend Shmedlee has been growing ladybugs and butterflies. The ladybugs were interesting, they come out of these little poo-looking pieces of deep brown raisin cocoons. I'm not sure when we'll start a new project here as we are now looking into moving into a bigger house.
Kenny's going to be getting another promotion within the next few weeks (his supervisor told him), so it looks like we'll be staying on Cape Cod for life now. I'm happy about it, although I was looking forward to what we had planned should he not get the promotion he wanted this year. I'd just about convinced Kenny to move to New Hampshire (although Florida was also being considered, to start his own business.) I really wanted to move to New Hampshire to be a part of the Free State Project. And I think, had he not gotten the promotion he's getting soon, that all of the family we have in Massachusetts would have played a vital role in getting him to agree that New Hampshire would be the better choice. It would have been a bit hard to convince him, though, because the kids all wanted to go to Florida, although Winter fluctuated between NH and FL because he loves the snow. I plan to visit New Hampshire, even though we won't be moving there, to check out the Free State Project in May. (May 28th, I believe). I will be doing a pretty big blog post about that once I get back.
Speaking of Winter, he broke his arm in two places during school vacation. He was goofing around on the hammock with Barbara (his cousin, my sister Hope's daughter) and they tumbled off the hammock landing on top of each other and CRACK CRACK. Winter nonchalantly walks up to me, looking only a bit miffed, and blurts out "Mom, I think I just broke my arm." No screaming, no crying, just a general statement that almost sounded as if he was more upset he couldn't finish playing on the hammock for a bit longer before we headed back to Cape Cod (this happened at my Dad's house.) There was no doubt it was broken, as I walked towards him to investigate and saw a capital letter Z, made of flesh, danging from his shoulder. My dad quickly put a splint on it (the doctor told Kenny it was a great splint and a smart thing to do) and I called the hospital emergency room to make sure they knew we were coming with a kid who definitely had a broken arm. I suspected right away it was broken in two places, because of the severe angles of the Z that was now his arm shape. When Kenny text-messaged me on the cell phone an hour and a half later, his message read: broke in two places, heading to surgery.
We went to the store to get Winter a pillow and a blanket for the ride home. We also got him a card. I will never forget three moments from the incident of Winter's broken arm:
The way he looked so calm and reserved when he announced he 'just broke his arm.' In two places, no less.
The way he had tears in his eyes when he read the card we'd all signed for him as he thanked us for the pillow and blanket (Spongebob fleece blanket and Finding Nemo squishy pillow.)
Even now, just typing that out, I've got tears in my freakin' eyes. My heart feels full to max. My mind feels at ease, he's such an independent and strong spirit, my Wints.
And the 3rd thing I remember about the night he broke his arm, the comedy break of sorts. On the ride home, as the highway beneath us lulled us all to sleepy states, Winter suddenly spoke. "KC," he said, sounding serious. "KC, I just want you to know something. If you ever break your arm, it hurts like hell."
And then he fell asleep on his new squishy blowfish pillow. :)
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Friday, April 29, 2005
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was FUNNY! Just got back, 4:10 showing in Dennis, Massachusetts. FANTASTIC FILM!
It did not, however, go with the flow of the book... only in moments, now and again. The ending was typical sweet-Hollywood love story guy-gets-the-girl nice-nice, but it was somewhat well done for a drastic conclusion change.
The things I liked best about the film:
Sam Rockwell's performance as Zaphod. Granted, the character Zaphod was (and is) a book page-stealer, so it was bound to end up a movie scene-stealer. Still, I have never seen such a beautifully seductive, lively, perfect performance of a character from a book ever, ever, ever. To say this character portrayal leapt off the screen and into your lap (to cop a feel of your breasts) would be one 'fantasy for later on in the shower' way of putting it... for females and guys who get into that long, blonde haired rock star cowboy look. Actually, I don't even get into the long blonde hair cowboy-booted look at all, but something about Zaphod... something about the wink, the mischievousness, the smile... I'd let him. You would, too! After all, he has a spaceship.
My husband just reminded me that I also loved Sam Rockwell (didn't know they were the same actor!) in Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (the semi-autobiographical adaptation of Gong Show host Chuck Barris.) I don't know which role I find more stunning now... Sam Rockwell as Chuck Barris or Sam Rockwell as Zaphod. Both were just so flawless and true to the characters, one real and one imagined.
I loved the visuals. I love space and the universe and the concepts illustrated in this film were nicely done... extreme escapism. It felt bigger in that theatre. By billions of miles.
I liked the intensely well done portrayal of Ford Prefect by Mos Def. Excellent comedy timing with certain parts (re: the buttons on the wall... what's this? what's this?!) Body movements (a man of the galaxy) and wonderful confidence, just as Ford presents in the book.
The characters of Arthur and Trillian were also well done. The change of story line made it somewhat harder to concentrate on them during the movie (but only because I'd read the book.) In the book, Arthur feels like the main character, but even in the book you end up feeling EVERYONE is a main character. Kudos to Douglas Adams for doing this. The only other time in my life I've read a book that did this to such a supreme extent was in Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged.
I liked that they mentioned Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings. I didn't think her name would get mentioned, as when I mention her to hard-core HGttG-fans, they often go "who?" I don't know why, exactly, but the one sentence that mentions her as being the worst poetry writer in the world just cracked me up something big when I first read the book. I clapped when they mentioned her name and yelled out 'yeah!' and felt like a dork (hahaha!) I was the only one in the theatre (there were only about a dozen people there to see it for the matinee) who had a towel. And a shirt that I hand-drew DON'T PANIC! upon with black lettering and yellow highlighted insides. I also wrote a bunch of text from the book all over the shirt. My family (all of whom went to see the movie) were enjoying people giving me the oddball glances and smiles.
I liked the dolphin scene with the dark sky and spotlight paper moon. I love how water splashes look on film.
What I didn't like:
I groaned when they didn't have the foreman contractor guy lay down in front of the tractor that was ready to demolish Arthur's house. It's one of the funniest scenes from the book. It would have been so funny to see on film. I've no idea why they selected to take that scene out of the screenplay for film (was it ever in it?)
I was somewhat taken aback by the change of story line. Towards the end, it didn't exactly feel like Douglas Adam's book anymore, just a pretty good love story movie.
There was one scene towards the end that showed a Vogon breathing; it was the only part that made me remember I was watching a movie and that inside that Vogon was either a pump or a person that was moving the skin up and down. Up until that scene, I felt the Vogon performances were brilliant and flawless. I still think they were brilliantly done, with just one, tiny flaw.
Would I recommend this movie?
Yes. In fact, we'll buy it on dvd as soon as it comes out. My son, Winter, asked to go see it again (tomorrow night). He's never read the book and loved the movie. I really liked the movie, will probably watch it a few dozen more times in my lifetime (once we own it on dvd), but having read the book definitely impacts your expectations. I kinda wish I was of the same frame of mind as my son Winter, who took the film in as its own story and just enjoyed the magic of it all. The artistry of the movie is breathtaking and whimsically good fun.
Bottom line; it's a very good film, if you don't expect it to be a replica of the book itself (which was a reasonable expectation, but not even Lord of the Rings fans got that.)
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Dear Harry Spence,
I was somewhat shocked to read you are adding your heart-jerking pleas to the collective whine of the Department of Social Services for more funding when it's quite clear that the private agency your agency hired to care for Dontel Jeffers (re: Mentor) makes enough money per 'special needs child' as it is. It's also clear the Department of Social Services wasted time, energy and resources keeping Dontel Jeffer's grandmother from maintaining custody of her own grandson, at the expense of that little boy's life. It's also clear, glass-shatteringly clear, that if agencies stopped squandering time, energy and resources on families who don't need them, perhaps the current federal and state funding your agency receives would be more than ample to care for the children that actually need your agency's services. If your agency allowed family members to take in the children they are more than capable of caring for, perhaps your agency would not find itself with the death of a four year old little boy on its hands. Shame on you, Harry Spence, for using that child's death as a tool for more funding when society has now become aware that any extra funding would potentially be utilized, as it was in Dontel Jeffers' case, to stop families who want to help out by taking custody of family members' children while the parents get themselves together.
How many extended family members are tied up in court right now trying to offer assistance by taking custody of their grandchildren, nieces or nephews but instead DSS is running them through the system for months and months? Give society those stats.
How many children in Massachusetts alone, while under the "care" of the Department of Social Services, are tossed on medications to get that coveted 'special needs' title? Give society those stats.
How many siblings are truly kept together, as stated is attempted on your website, in comparison to those who are not? Give society those stats.
How many suicides per year? How many deaths per year? How do you expect tax payers to want to fund an agency with more financial capabilities to further torment other families with court, delays and potential abuse while in care of the state (most of society already knows those stats, a higher percentage of children suffer abuse in foster homes) and even possible deaths of these children? Your agency doesn't need more funding; it needs to stop wasting funds on keeping families apart, when supposedly it aims to keep them together.
How dare your agency keep a grandmother from caring for her grandson and then beg society for more money after the child is killed while in one of your amply-paid 'specialized' homes? If you stopped wasting time to investigate families who are innocent, barring them from custody over suspected 'lead paint', perhaps your case workers would actually have the time to work on keeping children who do need to be in foster homes safer, happier and alive.
After all, that's what we, as a society, pay your agency to do. Don't fail to perform your job and ask for a raise to do better. Don't request more resources when it's clear the resources your agency has are being used to needlessly shuffle families around the blood-red-tape months-long trail of unjustified trials and tribulations, guilty before innocent, and death before reunification.
I was somewhat shocked to read you are adding your heart-jerking pleas to the collective whine of the Department of Social Services for more funding when it's quite clear that the private agency your agency hired to care for Dontel Jeffers (re: Mentor) makes enough money per 'special needs child' as it is. It's also clear the Department of Social Services wasted time, energy and resources keeping Dontel Jeffer's grandmother from maintaining custody of her own grandson, at the expense of that little boy's life. It's also clear, glass-shatteringly clear, that if agencies stopped squandering time, energy and resources on families who don't need them, perhaps the current federal and state funding your agency receives would be more than ample to care for the children that actually need your agency's services. If your agency allowed family members to take in the children they are more than capable of caring for, perhaps your agency would not find itself with the death of a four year old little boy on its hands. Shame on you, Harry Spence, for using that child's death as a tool for more funding when society has now become aware that any extra funding would potentially be utilized, as it was in Dontel Jeffers' case, to stop families who want to help out by taking custody of family members' children while the parents get themselves together.
How many extended family members are tied up in court right now trying to offer assistance by taking custody of their grandchildren, nieces or nephews but instead DSS is running them through the system for months and months? Give society those stats.
How many children in Massachusetts alone, while under the "care" of the Department of Social Services, are tossed on medications to get that coveted 'special needs' title? Give society those stats.
How many siblings are truly kept together, as stated is attempted on your website, in comparison to those who are not? Give society those stats.
How many suicides per year? How many deaths per year? How do you expect tax payers to want to fund an agency with more financial capabilities to further torment other families with court, delays and potential abuse while in care of the state (most of society already knows those stats, a higher percentage of children suffer abuse in foster homes) and even possible deaths of these children? Your agency doesn't need more funding; it needs to stop wasting funds on keeping families apart, when supposedly it aims to keep them together.
How dare your agency keep a grandmother from caring for her grandson and then beg society for more money after the child is killed while in one of your amply-paid 'specialized' homes? If you stopped wasting time to investigate families who are innocent, barring them from custody over suspected 'lead paint', perhaps your case workers would actually have the time to work on keeping children who do need to be in foster homes safer, happier and alive.
After all, that's what we, as a society, pay your agency to do. Don't fail to perform your job and ask for a raise to do better. Don't request more resources when it's clear the resources your agency has are being used to needlessly shuffle families around the blood-red-tape months-long trail of unjustified trials and tribulations, guilty before innocent, and death before reunification.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Don't panic. Just 15 more days until Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy opens in the movie theatres. :)
Been a pretty incredible week here. As we expected, square one panned out to be exactly as we anticipated, but we're hanging in there and going along each day with the Don't Panic motto firmly embedded in our heads. School vacation is next week... we've got a few things planned so far. A fun jaunt to the local thrift store, a geocaching excursion, and a visit to the park. We also plan to head down to New Bedford to do an afternoon at the zoo with my sister and niece, as well as my friend Jodi and her son Ben. Hoping to swing by Anne's to see if she has a hat from the 1700's for KC's Colonial Day at school in the last week of April. There's also a huge clambake on Sunday at the farm, celebrating my Grandpa's 91st birthday. My aunt set up a cool remote-control-truck race track on her driveway (flags, banners and all) for Grandpa and his buddy to race the vehicles on. There's going to be a raffle and the winners will each get one of the remote control trucks. My aunt comes up with the best ideas for fun. Watching two guys in their 90s racing trucks on a driveway is going to be funny as all heck!
I got a phonecall a few days ago and received a copy of a letter in the mail from the caller a few days later. He reads this blog (waving hi, just in case he's still here). I emailed the person he sent me information on, haven't heard word back yet, but I got the impression he wanted me to get involved with this woman as an advocate to make sure the agencies I've been frustrated with get the overhaul they need. I just want him to know... I promise you I will do whatever I can to see to it that change happens. In any capacity I can, I will do my absolute best to keep on top of everything going on and to get the word out there. I also want you to know that who you work for showed up on my caller id, but that's between you and I. If you could call me back and let me know what exactly it is you do for your place of employment, I'd appreciate it. I'm curious to know, needless to say. If you can't divulge that, I understand.
In other good news, the family of Dontel Jeffers went to Beacon Hill to demand answers in the four year old's death while in the custody of the Department of Social Services which placed him in a 'specialized foster care' home run by a private agency called Mentor. Thankfully, those in power above and beyond that of the rinky-dink system goofballs are demanding to know why Dontel wasn't allowed to live with his grandmother in a more timely fashion. They are insisting answers be given to this family in regards to Dontel's death, seeing as Dontel will never be given back now. As of this time, the family doesn't even have a death certificate or the autopsy results. My concern, personally and in my opinion and speculation only, is that this child was most likely put on medications that his tiny body wasn't capable of handling. It perhaps played a role in his death, as his heart just stopped, after what appears to be a beating while the little guy was bound by his wrists and ankles. Whatever happened, it's safe to say that four year olds don't just drop dead, and shouldn't be dropping dead at hospitals after being brought in covered in bruises and busted up faces when those who are caring for him are garnering $1,500 tax free dollars per month, along with other benefits and a quarterly stipend.
With those kind of incentives, you'd think a single mom would be going out of her way to create a loving and safe environment. After all, while caring for Dontel and getting paid a nice sum to do it, she gets to be a stay at home mom for her own child (that the Department of Social Services let her continue to care for, even though other families have had their children ripped from them by child 'protection' agencies once under investigation for the death of a child).
And some families never get their other children back. But I guess if you work for any of these agencies, you are given immunity and your child is not considered 'at risk' unless you are proven guilty... which is exactly how they should treat other families but haven't and have a clear record of assuming guilt and destroying families in the process. The hypocrisy is glaring and enrages me to levels I feel inspired by to continue my own personal investigations into the complicated and multi-faceted aspects of federally and state funded 'programs' that have gotten so corrupt it almost must feel like working for the Mafia (which is why so many good social workers quit.)
It's my belief, based on some known ethics issues that have been reported in a few newspapers, that there's a tie-in with not only with DSS and the Department of Mental Health, but also with pharmeceutical companies, psychiatric hospitals and stock trades. Here's a few links somebody out there might want to consider as interesting and worthy of perhaps some investigating... I came across these after trying to figure out why some things were going on that seemed somewhat unexplicable:
Pembroke Hospital acquired by UHS.
Board of Directors.
Name one BOD.
Name two BOD.
Name three BOD.
Name four BOD.
Name five BOD.
Name six BOD.
Name seven is not listed on the same site as the others.
I'm not making any accusations, I only found it interesting and I thought it might make somebody else out there curious enough to figure out what it all means. When 2/3 of children in the care and custody of the state are on medications, and the increase began perhaps in conjunction with acquisitions of various companies and partnerships with agencies, as well as the utilizing of private agencies, maybe there's a connection. Maybe there's not, but the more I've poked around out here on the internet, there appears to be some interesting things going on. Even laws and bills in the process of being considered bring up a lot of questions about ethics in the 'care and protection of children' and what is 'in the child's best interest'. And parents could be forced by their school administration, or be threatened with the removal of their children from public schools, to 'treat' mental illnesses that aren't scientifically proven but are just given a verbal diagnosis and prescription.
I was going to wait until I had more to post all of this... but I think if anybody reading this helped me with the investigating, it would speed up the process of change. Please don't let this happen to America. If we work together, as my time input isn't near as much as I'd like to be able to, perhaps together we can make that difference. Email me what you find, and I'll post it.
Let's keep our children truly safe, and let's keep parents informed.
Been a pretty incredible week here. As we expected, square one panned out to be exactly as we anticipated, but we're hanging in there and going along each day with the Don't Panic motto firmly embedded in our heads. School vacation is next week... we've got a few things planned so far. A fun jaunt to the local thrift store, a geocaching excursion, and a visit to the park. We also plan to head down to New Bedford to do an afternoon at the zoo with my sister and niece, as well as my friend Jodi and her son Ben. Hoping to swing by Anne's to see if she has a hat from the 1700's for KC's Colonial Day at school in the last week of April. There's also a huge clambake on Sunday at the farm, celebrating my Grandpa's 91st birthday. My aunt set up a cool remote-control-truck race track on her driveway (flags, banners and all) for Grandpa and his buddy to race the vehicles on. There's going to be a raffle and the winners will each get one of the remote control trucks. My aunt comes up with the best ideas for fun. Watching two guys in their 90s racing trucks on a driveway is going to be funny as all heck!
I got a phonecall a few days ago and received a copy of a letter in the mail from the caller a few days later. He reads this blog (waving hi, just in case he's still here). I emailed the person he sent me information on, haven't heard word back yet, but I got the impression he wanted me to get involved with this woman as an advocate to make sure the agencies I've been frustrated with get the overhaul they need. I just want him to know... I promise you I will do whatever I can to see to it that change happens. In any capacity I can, I will do my absolute best to keep on top of everything going on and to get the word out there. I also want you to know that who you work for showed up on my caller id, but that's between you and I. If you could call me back and let me know what exactly it is you do for your place of employment, I'd appreciate it. I'm curious to know, needless to say. If you can't divulge that, I understand.
In other good news, the family of Dontel Jeffers went to Beacon Hill to demand answers in the four year old's death while in the custody of the Department of Social Services which placed him in a 'specialized foster care' home run by a private agency called Mentor. Thankfully, those in power above and beyond that of the rinky-dink system goofballs are demanding to know why Dontel wasn't allowed to live with his grandmother in a more timely fashion. They are insisting answers be given to this family in regards to Dontel's death, seeing as Dontel will never be given back now. As of this time, the family doesn't even have a death certificate or the autopsy results. My concern, personally and in my opinion and speculation only, is that this child was most likely put on medications that his tiny body wasn't capable of handling. It perhaps played a role in his death, as his heart just stopped, after what appears to be a beating while the little guy was bound by his wrists and ankles. Whatever happened, it's safe to say that four year olds don't just drop dead, and shouldn't be dropping dead at hospitals after being brought in covered in bruises and busted up faces when those who are caring for him are garnering $1,500 tax free dollars per month, along with other benefits and a quarterly stipend.
With those kind of incentives, you'd think a single mom would be going out of her way to create a loving and safe environment. After all, while caring for Dontel and getting paid a nice sum to do it, she gets to be a stay at home mom for her own child (that the Department of Social Services let her continue to care for, even though other families have had their children ripped from them by child 'protection' agencies once under investigation for the death of a child).
And some families never get their other children back. But I guess if you work for any of these agencies, you are given immunity and your child is not considered 'at risk' unless you are proven guilty... which is exactly how they should treat other families but haven't and have a clear record of assuming guilt and destroying families in the process. The hypocrisy is glaring and enrages me to levels I feel inspired by to continue my own personal investigations into the complicated and multi-faceted aspects of federally and state funded 'programs' that have gotten so corrupt it almost must feel like working for the Mafia (which is why so many good social workers quit.)
It's my belief, based on some known ethics issues that have been reported in a few newspapers, that there's a tie-in with not only with DSS and the Department of Mental Health, but also with pharmeceutical companies, psychiatric hospitals and stock trades. Here's a few links somebody out there might want to consider as interesting and worthy of perhaps some investigating... I came across these after trying to figure out why some things were going on that seemed somewhat unexplicable:
Pembroke Hospital acquired by UHS.
Board of Directors.
Name one BOD.
Name two BOD.
Name three BOD.
Name four BOD.
Name five BOD.
Name six BOD.
Name seven is not listed on the same site as the others.
I'm not making any accusations, I only found it interesting and I thought it might make somebody else out there curious enough to figure out what it all means. When 2/3 of children in the care and custody of the state are on medications, and the increase began perhaps in conjunction with acquisitions of various companies and partnerships with agencies, as well as the utilizing of private agencies, maybe there's a connection. Maybe there's not, but the more I've poked around out here on the internet, there appears to be some interesting things going on. Even laws and bills in the process of being considered bring up a lot of questions about ethics in the 'care and protection of children' and what is 'in the child's best interest'. And parents could be forced by their school administration, or be threatened with the removal of their children from public schools, to 'treat' mental illnesses that aren't scientifically proven but are just given a verbal diagnosis and prescription.
I was going to wait until I had more to post all of this... but I think if anybody reading this helped me with the investigating, it would speed up the process of change. Please don't let this happen to America. If we work together, as my time input isn't near as much as I'd like to be able to, perhaps together we can make that difference. Email me what you find, and I'll post it.
Let's keep our children truly safe, and let's keep parents informed.
Monday, April 11, 2005
It's been about a week since I switched to non-menthol, and the one thing I've noticed is it's easier to cut back on smoking when you are smoking a brand that you don't like, but the cravings between cigarettes are stronger and harder to ignore. I have cut back about 3 cigarettes a day since the switch, but it's still taking more effort than it did last year. Last March I was 'ready to quit'... this year I am more determined but less ready. I'm going to be spending the next few weeks doing my best to focus on being ready to quit, something that has been missing from the mental-equation of this go around with cigarettes. I want to quit, but I don't have that firm stance of 'ready to do it.' Without that, I don't feel the confidence I felt last year when I actually achieved 250 + days of no smoking.
Last week was a busy but fantastic week. We won in court, which was no shock really, but as I sat here reflecting on the course of things from November until April, I did a little search online and found out we have a 2 year statute of limitations to press charges against those involved and so the plan is this: relax, enjoy the spring and summer, and then get into the legal aspect to rectify all that happened in September, in the hopes that those involved (and their superiors) will never, ever allow it to happen to another family. During the spring and summer, I will finish up a website that clearly outlines the chain of events (tenative date I will post the link: July 9th) along with links I found useful that resulted in our winning of our case. It's easy to win, of course, when the charges are unfounded and untrue. But, we've read stories from families going through similar who were so burnt out and bulldozed that they lost on technicalities... that is what we hope to prevent, by alerting as many as possible to the what-to-expects and the what-to-dos. It also helps when people start quitting their jobs left and right out of shame and guilt, and I plan to outline steps you can personally take that will lead to those involved bailing ship and prosecuting themselves in the process. The most important thing to do, however, is quite simple: document everything. This alone, I believe, was our strongest point, and I have to thank my dad for that most helpful bit of advice.
Also, sometimes the events can be so overwhelming you almost become consumed by it... give yourself mental breaks. Know it's ok to focus on the good things going on around you in the midst of such a crisis. I'm so glad we did all the things we did the past few months; going to Florida, taking the time and energy to go up to Boston as often as we did, enjoying the good moments and funny times we had throughout it all and in spite of such troubling injustice. Although at times it was so very hard not to get rip-roaring angry at the incompetence, remaining calm and refusing to let the anger overtake us worked in our favor.
So, here we are, back at square one in a way, but with a clearer understanding, a fantastic doctor for the chick, confidence and hope. It will be a long road to undo the damage done by misdiagnosis and a slew of improper overmedicating, but at least that is all beginning now and eventually it will lead to a positive conclusion. I'm still angry that we had to take the long route to get to here, but the way I see it, perhaps it all happened to us because we were meant to be aware of it on a more personal level. We're capable of doing something about it. While most would never talk about it because of the stigmas associated with every angle and aspect of the situation, we don't feel the shame and guilt the agencies involved bank on families feeling. The agencies have spent a good amount of money and time making sure society is unaware and biased towards those they target... but that is beginning to change dramatically, and it's only a matter of time now that things begin to change for the better for the innocent familes involved.
Kenny and I were talking about politics a few weeks ago, on a long drive we took together alone. We are so different, he and I, as I am extremely political and he is absolutely un-political. His view, which I believe is pretty standard for half of the voting population is this: The government is big and powerful, I just want to live my life, I'll pay my taxes and just hope that laws passed don't screw me over and I really don't care what happens in politics because I have enough to focus on at work and when I come home I just want to enjoy time with my family and friends.
I pointed out to him that politics are the reason we had to spend 5 months of our time, energy and resources proving something that we never should have had to prove (and something that was proven day ONE in court, when the judge asked those involved to drop the charges, but because of politics, these agencies have got even the judge's hands tied. These agencies have laws that make them unaccountable and that give them almost a veto-right in the court process.) Kenny agreed that the recent chain of events did open his eyes to the laws and how unjust things are, but now that everything is over, his stance is 'let us just move on now', whereas my stance is 'let us change it so that it doesn't continue on and get worse for others as time goes by.' I pointed out to him an incident that had happened over 8 years ago where had we taken the steps then to change the 'system', things may not have happened to us as they did in 2004. But Kenny's hope is that of 'let some group that is already trying to change it do it'. He does not see what a vital role we could play in getting things changed, as our case is one of the more obvious cases of system corruption. Actually, he does see it, he just doesn't want to give up any more time, energy and resources than we already have. I, on the other hand, see it as a political duty, as well as a personal and moral duty. It's become, to me, a responsibility that I must act upon because it's the right thing to do. He has told me he will support me in every way, because he does agree that things should change, but he just doesn't want to be as involved as I will be in the process of doing what I can to assist in the procedures to create change. It's my guess that most families that go through this have just moved on... the emotional exhaustion and then relief (as well as the known stigmas) must lead a lot of families to take on Kenny's viewpoints with it all. But the way I see it, if anyone should be feeling shame, guilt and responsibility for the situation, it is the agencies, not us and not any family who has been dragged through the mud by those proclaiming to 'want what is best' (we proved, hands down, that what happened was not what was for the best.)
We also talked about something brought up by the Terri Schiavo case. And we had an interesting discussion about ourselves and our children because of it. I asked Kenny "what would you want done if you were in the state that Terri was in?" And Kenny said "keep me plugged in." I told him I would not want to be kept plugged in... to which he responded "I would keep you plugged in anyways, because you never know what new scientific findings could bring you back." So, in spite of my verbal request, Kenny would just keep me alive, to which I responded "Ok, if it helps you feel better about things to have me kept alive, so be it, it's not as if I'd care at that point what you selected to do, but I just want you to know that if it ever got to the point it was too financially or emotionally draining, I would be thankful if you'd just unplug me and let me go, so that you could also move on." I made a mental note that if Kenny ended up like Terri, I'd have to keep him plugged in, and we then talked about the kids. If any of them ended up like Terri, I'd prefer to pull the plug. Kenny would want them kept plugged in... that's what made me realize what Mr. Schiavo had done. As soon as Kenny said he'd want the kids to remain plugged in, I said "so that is what we would do, then, keep them plugged in, no debate on it as when there's a disagreement about hope, the hope has to trump the unknown." Mr. Schiavo has no view into the future, he had no idea if at some point medical advances would one day bring Terri back... yet he selected to have what he deemed 'logic' trump the 'unknown'. Miracles happen, and I'm not just talking about religious miracles, but medical miracles, that defy all known 'logic'. While I personally would have selected to unplug Terri within a year of her brain damage, were I her husband and had she told me she would not want to live on life support, Mr. Schiavo waited 4 years before honoring Terri's request verbally and requesting a nursing home not treat an infection she had, and he took 8 years to honor Terri's request (if she did tell him what he says she told him) legally by filing with the courts to remove the life support. I'm postive Terri never said "should I ever need life support, wait four years before even requesting DNR and wait 8 years total before doing it legally with the courts, so that my family can suffer emotionally and financially throughout it all."
Although my views on life support are different than Terri's mom and dad's views are (I'd have pulled the plug years ago), I respected their rights to keep her alive, with hope and love. Just as I respect Kenny's views on it with our lives and our children's lives, and would honor his hopes, even though my views are completely different. I personally would not mind that Kenny kept me alive with hope, even though I'd rather have the plug pulled on me, and it's my guess that Terri also would have been able to respect her parents' hope for her. It's a shame that Terri had to die without a terminal illness. It's a shame that a personal decision was made by a man who forgot that no amount of logic trumps the unknown. No amount of logic erases the fact that miracles do happen. And no amount of logic trumps love and hope. It's extremely sad that Mr. Schiavo didn't honor Terri's request within a year of her being put on life support. Giving the family years and years of emotional ties and bonds that can not be cut by laws or logic was, in my opinion, the most callous thing a human being can do to another human being. I don't find his choices honorable... not to Terri and not to her family. And they weren't logical, either... logic would dictate he request what Terri told him she would want from day one, not four and eight years later.
I found a great article on reponsibility a few weeks ago, when I was thinking along the same train of thought and googled to see if anybody else out there had been thinking the same thing:
http://www.diac.com/~dgordon/blame_responsibility.html
This is a great piece, as it explains how the word 'responsibility' has become the same as 'blame'. Nobody wants to take responsibility anymore, mainly because it has stopped meaning 'power' and has taken on the same tone as 'blame'. I was going to write up something similar, but it's all pretty much covered in that piece. And much more concise than my piece would have been, hahaha. :)
I also wanted to write up a piece on how the internet is a good example of a self-governing entity, when so often I hear arguments against the Libertarian standpoint, yet the internet is a good example of how putting responsibility in the hands of each individual leads to empowerment and fantastic things. But I will have to write about that another time, as working on the website about the events that happened here will be taking up a good bulk of my time while the kids are in school. I just wanted to touch base on it, sort of as a reminder blog post to myself that at some point I'd like to focus on in a more detailed way.
Today I'm going to be reorganizing the chick's room for her (she asked me to help, but we just had such a busy weekend, and yesterday was beautiful outside and not a day to spend cleaning a room.) She's doing great, and I am so very proud of her... got a little bit of road to go, but we've got a map, determination and goals now. With spring here, it almost feels like the perfect season to begin a clearer and stronger future.
Last week was a busy but fantastic week. We won in court, which was no shock really, but as I sat here reflecting on the course of things from November until April, I did a little search online and found out we have a 2 year statute of limitations to press charges against those involved and so the plan is this: relax, enjoy the spring and summer, and then get into the legal aspect to rectify all that happened in September, in the hopes that those involved (and their superiors) will never, ever allow it to happen to another family. During the spring and summer, I will finish up a website that clearly outlines the chain of events (tenative date I will post the link: July 9th) along with links I found useful that resulted in our winning of our case. It's easy to win, of course, when the charges are unfounded and untrue. But, we've read stories from families going through similar who were so burnt out and bulldozed that they lost on technicalities... that is what we hope to prevent, by alerting as many as possible to the what-to-expects and the what-to-dos. It also helps when people start quitting their jobs left and right out of shame and guilt, and I plan to outline steps you can personally take that will lead to those involved bailing ship and prosecuting themselves in the process. The most important thing to do, however, is quite simple: document everything. This alone, I believe, was our strongest point, and I have to thank my dad for that most helpful bit of advice.
Also, sometimes the events can be so overwhelming you almost become consumed by it... give yourself mental breaks. Know it's ok to focus on the good things going on around you in the midst of such a crisis. I'm so glad we did all the things we did the past few months; going to Florida, taking the time and energy to go up to Boston as often as we did, enjoying the good moments and funny times we had throughout it all and in spite of such troubling injustice. Although at times it was so very hard not to get rip-roaring angry at the incompetence, remaining calm and refusing to let the anger overtake us worked in our favor.
So, here we are, back at square one in a way, but with a clearer understanding, a fantastic doctor for the chick, confidence and hope. It will be a long road to undo the damage done by misdiagnosis and a slew of improper overmedicating, but at least that is all beginning now and eventually it will lead to a positive conclusion. I'm still angry that we had to take the long route to get to here, but the way I see it, perhaps it all happened to us because we were meant to be aware of it on a more personal level. We're capable of doing something about it. While most would never talk about it because of the stigmas associated with every angle and aspect of the situation, we don't feel the shame and guilt the agencies involved bank on families feeling. The agencies have spent a good amount of money and time making sure society is unaware and biased towards those they target... but that is beginning to change dramatically, and it's only a matter of time now that things begin to change for the better for the innocent familes involved.
Kenny and I were talking about politics a few weeks ago, on a long drive we took together alone. We are so different, he and I, as I am extremely political and he is absolutely un-political. His view, which I believe is pretty standard for half of the voting population is this: The government is big and powerful, I just want to live my life, I'll pay my taxes and just hope that laws passed don't screw me over and I really don't care what happens in politics because I have enough to focus on at work and when I come home I just want to enjoy time with my family and friends.
I pointed out to him that politics are the reason we had to spend 5 months of our time, energy and resources proving something that we never should have had to prove (and something that was proven day ONE in court, when the judge asked those involved to drop the charges, but because of politics, these agencies have got even the judge's hands tied. These agencies have laws that make them unaccountable and that give them almost a veto-right in the court process.) Kenny agreed that the recent chain of events did open his eyes to the laws and how unjust things are, but now that everything is over, his stance is 'let us just move on now', whereas my stance is 'let us change it so that it doesn't continue on and get worse for others as time goes by.' I pointed out to him an incident that had happened over 8 years ago where had we taken the steps then to change the 'system', things may not have happened to us as they did in 2004. But Kenny's hope is that of 'let some group that is already trying to change it do it'. He does not see what a vital role we could play in getting things changed, as our case is one of the more obvious cases of system corruption. Actually, he does see it, he just doesn't want to give up any more time, energy and resources than we already have. I, on the other hand, see it as a political duty, as well as a personal and moral duty. It's become, to me, a responsibility that I must act upon because it's the right thing to do. He has told me he will support me in every way, because he does agree that things should change, but he just doesn't want to be as involved as I will be in the process of doing what I can to assist in the procedures to create change. It's my guess that most families that go through this have just moved on... the emotional exhaustion and then relief (as well as the known stigmas) must lead a lot of families to take on Kenny's viewpoints with it all. But the way I see it, if anyone should be feeling shame, guilt and responsibility for the situation, it is the agencies, not us and not any family who has been dragged through the mud by those proclaiming to 'want what is best' (we proved, hands down, that what happened was not what was for the best.)
We also talked about something brought up by the Terri Schiavo case. And we had an interesting discussion about ourselves and our children because of it. I asked Kenny "what would you want done if you were in the state that Terri was in?" And Kenny said "keep me plugged in." I told him I would not want to be kept plugged in... to which he responded "I would keep you plugged in anyways, because you never know what new scientific findings could bring you back." So, in spite of my verbal request, Kenny would just keep me alive, to which I responded "Ok, if it helps you feel better about things to have me kept alive, so be it, it's not as if I'd care at that point what you selected to do, but I just want you to know that if it ever got to the point it was too financially or emotionally draining, I would be thankful if you'd just unplug me and let me go, so that you could also move on." I made a mental note that if Kenny ended up like Terri, I'd have to keep him plugged in, and we then talked about the kids. If any of them ended up like Terri, I'd prefer to pull the plug. Kenny would want them kept plugged in... that's what made me realize what Mr. Schiavo had done. As soon as Kenny said he'd want the kids to remain plugged in, I said "so that is what we would do, then, keep them plugged in, no debate on it as when there's a disagreement about hope, the hope has to trump the unknown." Mr. Schiavo has no view into the future, he had no idea if at some point medical advances would one day bring Terri back... yet he selected to have what he deemed 'logic' trump the 'unknown'. Miracles happen, and I'm not just talking about religious miracles, but medical miracles, that defy all known 'logic'. While I personally would have selected to unplug Terri within a year of her brain damage, were I her husband and had she told me she would not want to live on life support, Mr. Schiavo waited 4 years before honoring Terri's request verbally and requesting a nursing home not treat an infection she had, and he took 8 years to honor Terri's request (if she did tell him what he says she told him) legally by filing with the courts to remove the life support. I'm postive Terri never said "should I ever need life support, wait four years before even requesting DNR and wait 8 years total before doing it legally with the courts, so that my family can suffer emotionally and financially throughout it all."
Although my views on life support are different than Terri's mom and dad's views are (I'd have pulled the plug years ago), I respected their rights to keep her alive, with hope and love. Just as I respect Kenny's views on it with our lives and our children's lives, and would honor his hopes, even though my views are completely different. I personally would not mind that Kenny kept me alive with hope, even though I'd rather have the plug pulled on me, and it's my guess that Terri also would have been able to respect her parents' hope for her. It's a shame that Terri had to die without a terminal illness. It's a shame that a personal decision was made by a man who forgot that no amount of logic trumps the unknown. No amount of logic erases the fact that miracles do happen. And no amount of logic trumps love and hope. It's extremely sad that Mr. Schiavo didn't honor Terri's request within a year of her being put on life support. Giving the family years and years of emotional ties and bonds that can not be cut by laws or logic was, in my opinion, the most callous thing a human being can do to another human being. I don't find his choices honorable... not to Terri and not to her family. And they weren't logical, either... logic would dictate he request what Terri told him she would want from day one, not four and eight years later.
I found a great article on reponsibility a few weeks ago, when I was thinking along the same train of thought and googled to see if anybody else out there had been thinking the same thing:
http://www.diac.com/~dgordon/blame_responsibility.html
This is a great piece, as it explains how the word 'responsibility' has become the same as 'blame'. Nobody wants to take responsibility anymore, mainly because it has stopped meaning 'power' and has taken on the same tone as 'blame'. I was going to write up something similar, but it's all pretty much covered in that piece. And much more concise than my piece would have been, hahaha. :)
I also wanted to write up a piece on how the internet is a good example of a self-governing entity, when so often I hear arguments against the Libertarian standpoint, yet the internet is a good example of how putting responsibility in the hands of each individual leads to empowerment and fantastic things. But I will have to write about that another time, as working on the website about the events that happened here will be taking up a good bulk of my time while the kids are in school. I just wanted to touch base on it, sort of as a reminder blog post to myself that at some point I'd like to focus on in a more detailed way.
Today I'm going to be reorganizing the chick's room for her (she asked me to help, but we just had such a busy weekend, and yesterday was beautiful outside and not a day to spend cleaning a room.) She's doing great, and I am so very proud of her... got a little bit of road to go, but we've got a map, determination and goals now. With spring here, it almost feels like the perfect season to begin a clearer and stronger future.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
I've switched from menthol cigarettes to non-menthol... I'm preparing to quit at some point again. Had a date set, but not sure I will be ready by then (May 9th). I'd quit last year for over 250 days, from early March until late November. For some reason I've found it harder this time to even just cut down one cigarette a day. I'm thinking I might be trying too hard here, out of the frustration I've felt with the smoking habit. Last year, here's what worked for me:
got the patch from my doctor (prescription, never used it, but it was good to know I had a backup plan, anything but buying a pack of smokes).
Set a goal date months in advance. March 8th. Ended up quitting March 7th, a day earlier than planned. Figured I'd tackle my addiction by quitting a day early, as cravings seem to get worse as the goal date nears.
Kept cutting down cigarettes. First week, got down to fifteen per day. Second week, twelve per day. Third week, ten per day. Once I hit ten, I cut down one per week. This made the transition feel a bit easier.
Moved all smoking to outside once I got down to fifteen.
Got Lemon Zinger tea, added no milk or sugar. I also tried many other varieties of tea (peppermint, peach), but the Lemon Zinger was my personal favorite and seemed to stave off cravings the best. When I'd have a craving for a smoke, I'd keep my hands busy making the tea. The traditional aspect of tea-making became a huge factor once I finally quit. My hands would be busy stirring with the spoon, dipping the tea bag, similar to the process of smoking (where the hands are kept busy), and then drinking the tea once cooled down enough (very much like smoking, except you are taking in a tea instead of smoke.) Drinking tea calmed me in the way that smoking had. The herbal teas that are decaffienated seem to work best in the adjustment.
Bought five pounds of Twizzlers. For some reason, this soft candy, shaped somewhat like a cigarette, also helped immensely in the process of quitting. I can't even eat them often now, after overwhelming my tastebuds with a few months of perpetual Twizzler-to-mouth action.
Got into omlettes. Heard that eating eggs during quitting is helpful, so got some great omlette ingredients (peppers, sweet onions, mushrooms, swiss cheese) and treated myself a few times a week to an omlette. This resulted in my gaining a good five pounds in the first few weeks, but I've never much minded weight gains... weight losses drive me more nuts, as my pants won't stay up. Unfortunately, over the past six months I accidently lost about twenty pounds (possibly more, grrrrrr), without meaning to or trying to, which meant I had to search through all my clothes for pants that fit. I have two pairs that fit without falling down throughout the day. When I quit smoking, I'm hoping I'll get back to my initial weight, as it's the weight I feel most comfortable at. My appetite is at zero lately. Even the thought of an omlette doesn't make me hungry, but I figure once I quit smoking that will change.
Quitting in the spring of last year seemed to help, as spring cleaning and gardening took up a nice chunk of time and energy. I would think quitting in the winter time as being ten times harder than quitting in the spring, summer or autumn. Timing is everything, as they say. :)
My guess is that by the summer time I will have quit smoking again. I'm still hesitant about my May 9th quit date, so I may up it to late May or early June. In the meantime, I focus on just knowing I am capable of quitting. Going for as long as I did without smoking, I am positive I can do it again and achieve perhaps a permanent state of non-smoking.
got the patch from my doctor (prescription, never used it, but it was good to know I had a backup plan, anything but buying a pack of smokes).
Set a goal date months in advance. March 8th. Ended up quitting March 7th, a day earlier than planned. Figured I'd tackle my addiction by quitting a day early, as cravings seem to get worse as the goal date nears.
Kept cutting down cigarettes. First week, got down to fifteen per day. Second week, twelve per day. Third week, ten per day. Once I hit ten, I cut down one per week. This made the transition feel a bit easier.
Moved all smoking to outside once I got down to fifteen.
Got Lemon Zinger tea, added no milk or sugar. I also tried many other varieties of tea (peppermint, peach), but the Lemon Zinger was my personal favorite and seemed to stave off cravings the best. When I'd have a craving for a smoke, I'd keep my hands busy making the tea. The traditional aspect of tea-making became a huge factor once I finally quit. My hands would be busy stirring with the spoon, dipping the tea bag, similar to the process of smoking (where the hands are kept busy), and then drinking the tea once cooled down enough (very much like smoking, except you are taking in a tea instead of smoke.) Drinking tea calmed me in the way that smoking had. The herbal teas that are decaffienated seem to work best in the adjustment.
Bought five pounds of Twizzlers. For some reason, this soft candy, shaped somewhat like a cigarette, also helped immensely in the process of quitting. I can't even eat them often now, after overwhelming my tastebuds with a few months of perpetual Twizzler-to-mouth action.
Got into omlettes. Heard that eating eggs during quitting is helpful, so got some great omlette ingredients (peppers, sweet onions, mushrooms, swiss cheese) and treated myself a few times a week to an omlette. This resulted in my gaining a good five pounds in the first few weeks, but I've never much minded weight gains... weight losses drive me more nuts, as my pants won't stay up. Unfortunately, over the past six months I accidently lost about twenty pounds (possibly more, grrrrrr), without meaning to or trying to, which meant I had to search through all my clothes for pants that fit. I have two pairs that fit without falling down throughout the day. When I quit smoking, I'm hoping I'll get back to my initial weight, as it's the weight I feel most comfortable at. My appetite is at zero lately. Even the thought of an omlette doesn't make me hungry, but I figure once I quit smoking that will change.
Quitting in the spring of last year seemed to help, as spring cleaning and gardening took up a nice chunk of time and energy. I would think quitting in the winter time as being ten times harder than quitting in the spring, summer or autumn. Timing is everything, as they say. :)
My guess is that by the summer time I will have quit smoking again. I'm still hesitant about my May 9th quit date, so I may up it to late May or early June. In the meantime, I focus on just knowing I am capable of quitting. Going for as long as I did without smoking, I am positive I can do it again and achieve perhaps a permanent state of non-smoking.
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