I was going to look into getting a therapist today to sort out some of the thoughts pecking at my brain, but I've decided that:

1) I can cope with my thoughts, as they aren't destructive/negative

2) As stressful as the past few days have been, I've been through worse

3) Even though I almost bought a carton of cigarettes, I quit back in March, desiring to smoke isn't a sign of impending doom, it just means I need to take some time out to sit down and sort out my head... which I can do without smoking

4) The majority of this situation has nothing to do with me or my thoughts on it; sometimes life just has to sort itself out and the people within the given situation need to sort out THEIR own poop. What I figure out can be shared with those involved, but it is not my duty to mentally sort out everyone... even though I often feel I'm supposed to help in that way.

5) Although I feel weakened and drained, I am pretty strong and capable of handling things (or realizing I don't have to handle anything).

6) My time would be better used by doing active things, like writing http://wink.urgo.org/bbs/ and http://wink.urgo.org/ptsd/ , working on the house and yard, spending time with Kenny, and spending days exploring the world with my kids.

7) No matter how much I try I can not do anything more than I have already done and continue to do for the situation at hand. I have given it my all, my best. I'm not sure why I do this, but I tend to think that unless things get better immediately or within a day, I have personally failed. I need to work on this thought pattern, and change it, because it's not a logical or reasonable expectation to put upon myself.

8) I'm probably my own best therapist at this point in my life, but if I still feel like I need to talk out some things when the kids are back in school, I will call up that place I went to three or four years ago and arrange to see somebody in September. If I feel any more homocidal thoughts towards my mother, I will call and make an appointment immediately.