Most of the time I am pretty open about things going on in my life... at this time I have decided to wait until things are complete before I post about them. A positive conclusion is forseeable, and I plan to reveal all I have learned once I am at that point of resolution. When I do post about this period of my life, it will be from the point at which I have already accomplished that which needs to be done. The research I am working on reveals that I am not alone and it is my intent to make sure that others going through the same exact thing will one day have a place to go/call that helps them know they aren't alone either. There are already numerous groups working on the same thing, and once I figure out which one my help would best fit, I will link to it.

A constant in all of this: The truth always prevails. No matter how much people with negative intent try, once they begin lying and manipulating to hurt you, they will always lose. Because truth, unlike lies, has foundation. Truth is real and clear, lies are not.

Two Mondays ago, it was more than obvious that the truth is prevailing and it has given me strength to know I was not wrong to stand firm on doing what is best when those who claim to want to do what is best have done nothing but made things worse. With lies. With threats. With unbelievable disregard for the situation. And with documentation to prove just how imcompetent they have been, they've got nothing but their lies to lean upon, and their lies tilted and toppled right over, as lies will. My faith in truth prevailing was restored that day.

I will be naming names. I will be seeing this through. I will grow stronger for it, and will not be weakened by the attempt to beat down my spirit. Perhaps these kinds of coercsion and threats have worked on numerous others, but they will not work on me. I am not afraid, I am angered. I am not tired anymore, I am wide awake... awakened by the facts, awakened by the injustice, awakened by others letting me know this has been the way it has been going and nobody knows how to fix it or stop it... awakened by the only fear I do feel... the fear of what will happen if nobody ever steps up to the plate to say "hey, that was absolutely wrong." I can see how it works now (and why it hasn't worked in anyone's favor)... there's not an agency out there that doesn't realize how drained parents are when they are trying to get their kids help. That some agencies opt to use that exhaustion to bulldoze over the parent's rights and even the child's mental well-being is a disgrace, not only a disgrace within the 'system', but a disgrace that any individual in that kind of position would do so under the flimsy excuse of 'just doing my job'. You must, as a worker for any company, do what is best for the client first and THEN focus on your aspect of keeping stats, funding costs, and other elements within the expected limits. And it is never in any company's best interest to not allow what is absolutely, without a doubt, in the best interest of a client; and even more so if it is offered for free and within the boundries of the law.

Aside from all that, things are going relatively well here at home. The boys have been excited for the upcoming holiday gatherings and Christmas itself. I keep getting revised lists of gifts they'd like, as well as toy section inserts of newspapers with circled suggestions. We've been putting up the decorations the past few days and have decided to put the tree in the tv/family room this year. We'll be putting up a fake tree instead of a real one because we'll be leaving the day after Christmas to visit relatives in Florida, as well as to experience Disney parks. Initially we were going to hold off on the trip, but there's no doubt in my mind now that we all need a break and what better place to let your mind get tickled with colors, sounds and smells than Mickey Mouse land. The boys have bookmarked dozens of website pages to show all the rides they just have to go on... I'm mostly looking forward to seeing giraffes and zoos and all the cool aquariums.

We did a massive rearrangement of the family room on Saturday, the day before Kenny left for Texas to do a week of computer training for the new system being put in at work. The boys like the new setup down there and have hauled in all their Legos to claim all the flat surfaces for their Lego cities. With winter-type night temperatures here, it's way too chilly on the other side of the cellar to play with the Legos... brrrrrrrrrr.

Thinking of going to Edaville Railroad next week. I know KC will love the old car section, he keeps buying Matchbox replicas of the old fashioned designs and models. Speaking of KC, he outgrew his shoes again; 4th time this year. Thankfully there was a "buy one get one half off" sale, so we got Winter a pair of boots and we got KC new boots, sneakers and shoes... size 9. Mens. Ten years old and already in an adult size 9. He's now also a hair taller than me, but I'm pretty short at five foot two. He's most likely going to be bringing his keyboard to class in a few months to play songs for his class. He's still somewhat nervous about playing in front of people, but he's gotten better at it since he moved his equipment up to the main part of the house. He played a few songs the other day for a few neighborhood kids... I was so happy to see him working out his fears of playing music for people by testing it out on friends he has known for years. I think he mostly fears making mistakes, but even when he made a few while playing he just paused and said "whoops, I messed up, let me start that over..." and he just carried on playing. He's been teaching himself all the Zelda songs and Mario songs by ear, and can also play a few Savatage songs (old heavy metal band) and some newer keyboard heavy songs (Clocks, for one) and also has been doing some White Stripes. He's now been dabbling in writing some of his own songs and samples... but, being ten, most of his samples are belches, loud roars and, of course, fart noises. He'll have Winter laughing so hard until they are both almost crying from laughing so hard at some of the fart-tunes composed. I'll admit, and nobody that knows me will be shocked, that I have found it pretty damn funny myself... I noticed, though, that when KC is composing alone he is a far more serious writer/composer, and it's nice to sit here and listen to him play, figuring out his arrangements and replaying them until he gets a set of notes he likes hearing played consecutively. Then he'll piece it together with another set of notes he previously wrote, and in this way he is putting together some songs. Winter has been practicing his drums more and more, and I figure at some point they will team up and begin the band they keep talking about. The neighbor plays guitar and he and KC have already been talking about learning a song together. I'm interested to see how this all works out for them. :)

Have to get some house stuff done and make some phonecalls... also planning to catch up on all my writing hobbies this week, this blog being one of them. Figured I'd get this in while the boys are at school and the house is quiet... it's so quiet right now I can hear the little rocks on the bottom of the fish tank that the big black fish keeps lifting up and spitting out... I've got two big pans of fresh water getting to room-temp so I can clean the tank out later on. The water after about two weeks gets fish-poo-pee-residue-looking, so I like to clean out the filter as well as replace the water instead of using chemicals and other fish supply methods. The fish are doing great, they are getting HUGE. I might have to get a larger tank at some point.

A special hello to my buddy Marvin, the paranoid Android. I am Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings. I'm writing this from the past which is now the future. A poem for you...

sometimes life gets so perflunky
so smoky, shackled and junky
but suffice it to say
that we're here to stay
in each other's lives, so faghey
picking up each others corners
of lips to smile, of dusty spirals
it's these chance spaceship life-savings that get us through...

this, and many poems to follow, might make you slightly regret suggesting I read Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. ;) Douglas Adams RULES... :rockon: